Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Merry Christmas, no limerick.





70 - Merry Christmas!

Photo via Red Dirt Girl, I think.

A fellow with greetings to unveil,
Displayed them in glorious detail,
On a young lady’s behind
And, as a gift to mankind,
Had them all written in braille.
.
◊◊◊
 .
Merry Christmas to my reader.
(You know who you are.)
 

Sunday, December 22, 2013

69 - The woman who blows...

Mad Kane has a limerick challenge:

When told of a woman who 'blows',
Men queued at her door, in droves.
Their wives were less thrilled
And had them all killed
And buried in orderly rows.

68 - Avise la Fin

Sunday Scribblings put up its last prompt: Finale.

They had dined by warm candle light,
A ritual designed to delight.
But when he shut the doors,
And she dropped her drawers,
The finale was clearly in sight.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

67 - Humpback


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.

A lady went out for a sail
With a handsome and seafaring male.
She returned on the tide
With the semen inside—
A humpback is more than a whale.

66 - Too Well Rounded




Mad Kane gives a weekly limerick prompt.

A lady whose breasts were too round
To be the sort that's naturally found,
Regretted to report
They were a pain to transport
And hard to keep up off the ground.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

65 - Weak Kneed.

Mad Kane's weekly limerick challenge.

A fellow who'd just done the deed,
Ejecting his cache of seed,
Confessed with a grin,
That it was fun going in,
But the ending had left him weak knee'd.

Monday, August 5, 2013

64 - Once a knight...

A woman who itched for a fight,
Donned the outfit of a knight.
Her desire was so great
She forgot the breast plate
And was duly impaled on the night.


Sunday, August 4, 2013

63 - Fashioned from Pine

Mad Kane's limerick challenge.

A woman had fashioned from pine
A dildo that managed to combine
The width she desired
With a length that inspired
Pole-vaulters to steal the design.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

62 - Passion

The Prompt is Passion.

A woman expressed a deep passion
To receive a serious lashin'.
She longed for hard spanks
On her buttocks and flanks
And thought the sensation was smashin'.

Or
And rejected all thoughts of compassion

Or
While tied in a spread-eagled fashion.


Monday, July 22, 2013

61 - Away from the heat.

A lady while cooking some meat,
Wore an apron, less than discreet.
She didn’t seem to mind
That it exposed her behind
As she kept it away from the heat.

Friday, July 19, 2013

60 - Jason & The Argonauts

A little culture for my readers:

A lady with no connection to Greece,
Complained of the absence of peace
From all Jason’s cohorts,
Those sneaky Argonauts,
In search of the Golden Fleece.

Monday, July 8, 2013

59 - Nationalistic Nipples

Photo from Lola's Loves.

A woman was decidedly cute,
Wearing the flag as a suit.
Her breasts were displayed
When the anthem was played
So her nipples could stand and salute.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

58 - Feeling Quite Bored

Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A woman was feeling quite bored
So joined in a game with a cord.
She became so besotted
With being tied and knotted
She won a macramé award.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

57 - Scarecrow

A farmer too poor for a scarecrow
Stripped his wife and put her out there so
The continuous encounter
With men wanting to mount her
Scared the birds away from his cornrow.

56 - Crash Test Dummy.

A young girl slept, as if sedated,
For reasons implied but unstated.
It appears she was smashed
When her computer crashed
And both of her airbags inflated.

55 - Cash Up Front

Photo from Lola's Loves
 
A girl propped up in the door way
In what wives would call a ‘whore way’.
Not just a silhouette
But back-lit and quite wet—
You'll pay dearly should it come your way.


54 - Diaphanous Gown

Photo via Lola's Loves.
A lady in a diaphanous gown
Displayed a bum, firm, plump and brown.
The fellows who saw it
Would instantly adore it,
But to touch would earn them a frown. 

◊◊
Alternative last line:

And they could touch it for half a crown.

 Hands up all of you who know  what 'half a crown' is.


Friday, June 28, 2013

53 - Chest Cold

A lady more beauty than brain
Bemoaned the cold and the pain.
She mentioned it to the fellas
But none wanted to tell her
That her top had shrunk in the rain.


Thursday, June 27, 2013

52 - The Mare, The Merrier.


Two ladies were passionately embraced,
Though somewhat awkwardly placed:
They pursued their affair
On the back of a mare
So nothing was done in haste.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

51 - The Jolly Roger

Photo pillaged from Lola

A girl who liked dressing in drag,
Joined some pirates, as a bit of a gag.
After a week on the clipper,
Locked away with the skipper,
Said the jolly roger wasn’t just a flag.


Sunday, June 23, 2013

50 - The Perfect Behind

Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A fellow was trying to find
The woman with the perfect behind.
He fondled and caressed,
Some hundreds of the best
‘Til he finally went out of his mind.


49 - Sunshine, version 2.

A girl thought she was quite clever,
Standing naked, out in the weather.
The others called it a stunt
But for the boys in the hunt,
The sun shone out of her...um...whatever.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

48 - Sunshine

A girl with considerable front
Appealed to guys who'd just grunt.
To those that pursued her,
Chased her and wooed her,
The sun shone out of her…whatever.

Friday, June 21, 2013

47 - Going out on a limb

Photo from Lola.

A lass was after a good poke,
And fashioned a dildo from oak.
It was sanded ‘til smooth,
Had the width for the groove,
And a length to make a girl choke.


Thursday, June 20, 2013

46 - Life Saver

Photo from Red Dirt Girl.

CPR from two girls, lightly browned,
To a man who’d just nearly drowned,
Brought him back from the dead.
And they also applied head
To help him, they said, cum around.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

45 - A Formal Occasion

Photo: Snatchly

A lady with lovely red hair
Went to an up-market affair;
When told to acquire
Some more formal attire
Donned a tie and black underwear.


Monday, June 17, 2013

44 - In the Pool

Picture via Lola.

A woman who reclined in the pool,
On her back, in the nude, to be cool,
Was asked by some bloke,
If she minded breaststroke,
Replied “Not on the first date, as a rule.”

Sunday, June 16, 2013

43 - Disturbingly Round

Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A woman had spent her last pound
To buy an enlarging compound.
The guys were impressed
With the size of her breasts
But found them disturbingly round.

42 - Spanner II


Photo nicked from Lola

A lady, wielding a big spanner,
Said, to them wishing to land her:
“If you are worried at all
Then your nuts are too small—
I’m waiting for something much grander.”

41 - Spanner I


A woman who came with spare bits
Could alter the size of her tits.
It's not really lewd,
But her nipples unscrewed,
And new sizes were added from kits.


Saturday, June 15, 2013

40 - The Dinner Visit

Photo from Red Dirt Girl

He came and surprised her that night
And she couldn’t conceal her delight.
For, when he opened his towel,
She let out a howl—
“It’s donuts for dinner tonight!”


39 - The Tradesman's Entrance


It appears electricians have a bit more spark than most,
according to a British poll that says they are the most likely 
to be seduced by housewives. A survey of 2000 tradesmen 
has found more than 20 per cent had received ‘‘indecent proposals’’, 
and 54 per cent said yes. Gas fitters and builders came second and third.
Thursday May 30, 2013 – The Age Newspaper

Tradesman’s Entrance

The housewife who suggested uniting
To the sparky, there fixing her lighting,
Was in for some shocks
When he lowered his jocks
As his discharge was positively frightening.


38 - Assembled in Rows




Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A woman assembled in rows
A dozen well-kitted young beaus.
She measured their length
Their stamina and strength,
Before selecting a couple or so.


37 - The Vicar's Tea


The Vicar’s Tea

She was as naked as naked could be
When the vicar popped in for some tea.
She tried to fake it,
Asking “How do you take it?”
He said “Black is just fine by me”.


36 - The Wine Holder


Photo through the kind generosity of Red Dirt Girl.

I.
His wine was retained in the cleft
Of her buttocks, in a manner most deft.
He’d fondle her arse*
For her to release his glass
And, after he decanted, he left.

*Australian don’t use ‘ass’, they use ‘arse’.

II.
A man with a naked wine holder
Was aroused by more than her shoulder.
Not wanting to delay
Getting his own stem away,
Finished his drink and then rolled her.


35 - The Lady in a Suit



Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A lass who was told that a suit
Was required for her photo shoot,
Was most alarmed to find
It was of the birthday kind—
But the photos turned out rather cute.

34 - The Generous Lady


Photo adapted from Lola's Loves.

A lady, in a café for tea,
Displayed a breast, for others to see;
While some were offended
Most viewers commended
Her generous sense of esprit.


33 - The Slit Dress

Photo via Lola's Loves.


A lady in search of a caress
Went out of her way to impress.
It wasn’t the pink stockings
That people found shocking
But the slit up the back of her dress.


32 - Carnival Queen


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.


A man would pretend to be ill
To skip work and daily fulfill 
A dream to be seen
As a carnival queen,
A passion that gave him a thrill.


31 - The Pram


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.


A gal was convinced she was ill
When her midriff started to fill.
But some nine months later,
With perambulator,
She remembered forgetting the Pill.


30 - A Matter of Trust

Theme Thursday had the prompt 'Trust".


A woman who wasn’t too fussed
About openly showing her bust
Was heard to reply
When someone asked why
“It’s all just a matter of trust”.


29 - Covered with Ink


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A woman was covered with ink
After plying tattooists with drink.
They worked in rotation
Then signed their creation,
On her left buttock, I think.


28 - Swimming in the Buff


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A woman who’d swim in the buff,
Eventually shouted ‘Enough!’
“Five ling and two flounder
And a groper, the bounder,
Have laid their eggs in my muff.



When I was young, my grandfather used to breed fish and used water hyacinth, which have a very fibrous floating root system, to provide a safe place for his fish to lay their eggs and for the young fish to hide. 

27 - A fellow who frequently stews...


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

Originally posted on Notes on a Serviette as post CDXCVIII.

A fellow who frequently stews
Over which colour condom to use.
He can’t make a selection
To adorn his erection
So his wife fills the time with a snooze.


26 - A woman would frequently make scenes...


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

Originally posted on Notes on a Serviette as post DIII.

A woman would often make scenes,
Promenading without any jeans.
But when she went too far,
Shedding panties and bra,
The Governor called the marines.



25 - A fellow would frequently hum...


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

Originally posted on Notes on a Serviette as post DVI.


The "Te Deum" I was thinking of was Charpentier's.

A fellow would frequently hum
A few bars of the “Te Deum”
To settle his nerves
As he fondled the curves
Of his (or another's!) wife’s bum.


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