Sunday, June 30, 2013

58 - Feeling Quite Bored

Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A woman was feeling quite bored
So joined in a game with a cord.
She became so besotted
With being tied and knotted
She won a macramé award.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

57 - Scarecrow

A farmer too poor for a scarecrow
Stripped his wife and put her out there so
The continuous encounter
With men wanting to mount her
Scared the birds away from his cornrow.

56 - Crash Test Dummy.

A young girl slept, as if sedated,
For reasons implied but unstated.
It appears she was smashed
When her computer crashed
And both of her airbags inflated.

55 - Cash Up Front

Photo from Lola's Loves
 
A girl propped up in the door way
In what wives would call a ‘whore way’.
Not just a silhouette
But back-lit and quite wet—
You'll pay dearly should it come your way.


54 - Diaphanous Gown

Photo via Lola's Loves.
A lady in a diaphanous gown
Displayed a bum, firm, plump and brown.
The fellows who saw it
Would instantly adore it,
But to touch would earn them a frown. 

◊◊
Alternative last line:

And they could touch it for half a crown.

 Hands up all of you who know  what 'half a crown' is.


Friday, June 28, 2013

53 - Chest Cold

A lady more beauty than brain
Bemoaned the cold and the pain.
She mentioned it to the fellas
But none wanted to tell her
That her top had shrunk in the rain.


Thursday, June 27, 2013

52 - The Mare, The Merrier.


Two ladies were passionately embraced,
Though somewhat awkwardly placed:
They pursued their affair
On the back of a mare
So nothing was done in haste.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

51 - The Jolly Roger

Photo pillaged from Lola

A girl who liked dressing in drag,
Joined some pirates, as a bit of a gag.
After a week on the clipper,
Locked away with the skipper,
Said the jolly roger wasn’t just a flag.


Sunday, June 23, 2013

50 - The Perfect Behind

Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A fellow was trying to find
The woman with the perfect behind.
He fondled and caressed,
Some hundreds of the best
‘Til he finally went out of his mind.


49 - Sunshine, version 2.

A girl thought she was quite clever,
Standing naked, out in the weather.
The others called it a stunt
But for the boys in the hunt,
The sun shone out of her...um...whatever.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

48 - Sunshine

A girl with considerable front
Appealed to guys who'd just grunt.
To those that pursued her,
Chased her and wooed her,
The sun shone out of her…whatever.

Friday, June 21, 2013

47 - Going out on a limb

Photo from Lola.

A lass was after a good poke,
And fashioned a dildo from oak.
It was sanded ‘til smooth,
Had the width for the groove,
And a length to make a girl choke.


Thursday, June 20, 2013

46 - Life Saver

Photo from Red Dirt Girl.

CPR from two girls, lightly browned,
To a man who’d just nearly drowned,
Brought him back from the dead.
And they also applied head
To help him, they said, cum around.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

45 - A Formal Occasion

Photo: Snatchly

A lady with lovely red hair
Went to an up-market affair;
When told to acquire
Some more formal attire
Donned a tie and black underwear.


Monday, June 17, 2013

44 - In the Pool

Picture via Lola.

A woman who reclined in the pool,
On her back, in the nude, to be cool,
Was asked by some bloke,
If she minded breaststroke,
Replied “Not on the first date, as a rule.”

Sunday, June 16, 2013

43 - Disturbingly Round

Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A woman had spent her last pound
To buy an enlarging compound.
The guys were impressed
With the size of her breasts
But found them disturbingly round.

42 - Spanner II


Photo nicked from Lola

A lady, wielding a big spanner,
Said, to them wishing to land her:
“If you are worried at all
Then your nuts are too small—
I’m waiting for something much grander.”

41 - Spanner I


A woman who came with spare bits
Could alter the size of her tits.
It's not really lewd,
But her nipples unscrewed,
And new sizes were added from kits.


Saturday, June 15, 2013

40 - The Dinner Visit

Photo from Red Dirt Girl

He came and surprised her that night
And she couldn’t conceal her delight.
For, when he opened his towel,
She let out a howl—
“It’s donuts for dinner tonight!”


39 - The Tradesman's Entrance


It appears electricians have a bit more spark than most,
according to a British poll that says they are the most likely 
to be seduced by housewives. A survey of 2000 tradesmen 
has found more than 20 per cent had received ‘‘indecent proposals’’, 
and 54 per cent said yes. Gas fitters and builders came second and third.
Thursday May 30, 2013 – The Age Newspaper

Tradesman’s Entrance

The housewife who suggested uniting
To the sparky, there fixing her lighting,
Was in for some shocks
When he lowered his jocks
As his discharge was positively frightening.


38 - Assembled in Rows




Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A woman assembled in rows
A dozen well-kitted young beaus.
She measured their length
Their stamina and strength,
Before selecting a couple or so.


37 - The Vicar's Tea


The Vicar’s Tea

She was as naked as naked could be
When the vicar popped in for some tea.
She tried to fake it,
Asking “How do you take it?”
He said “Black is just fine by me”.


36 - The Wine Holder


Photo through the kind generosity of Red Dirt Girl.

I.
His wine was retained in the cleft
Of her buttocks, in a manner most deft.
He’d fondle her arse*
For her to release his glass
And, after he decanted, he left.

*Australian don’t use ‘ass’, they use ‘arse’.

II.
A man with a naked wine holder
Was aroused by more than her shoulder.
Not wanting to delay
Getting his own stem away,
Finished his drink and then rolled her.


35 - The Lady in a Suit



Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A lass who was told that a suit
Was required for her photo shoot,
Was most alarmed to find
It was of the birthday kind—
But the photos turned out rather cute.

34 - The Generous Lady


Photo adapted from Lola's Loves.

A lady, in a café for tea,
Displayed a breast, for others to see;
While some were offended
Most viewers commended
Her generous sense of esprit.


33 - The Slit Dress

Photo via Lola's Loves.


A lady in search of a caress
Went out of her way to impress.
It wasn’t the pink stockings
That people found shocking
But the slit up the back of her dress.


32 - Carnival Queen


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.


A man would pretend to be ill
To skip work and daily fulfill 
A dream to be seen
As a carnival queen,
A passion that gave him a thrill.


31 - The Pram


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.


A gal was convinced she was ill
When her midriff started to fill.
But some nine months later,
With perambulator,
She remembered forgetting the Pill.


30 - A Matter of Trust

Theme Thursday had the prompt 'Trust".


A woman who wasn’t too fussed
About openly showing her bust
Was heard to reply
When someone asked why
“It’s all just a matter of trust”.


29 - Covered with Ink


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A woman was covered with ink
After plying tattooists with drink.
They worked in rotation
Then signed their creation,
On her left buttock, I think.


28 - Swimming in the Buff


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

A woman who’d swim in the buff,
Eventually shouted ‘Enough!’
“Five ling and two flounder
And a groper, the bounder,
Have laid their eggs in my muff.



When I was young, my grandfather used to breed fish and used water hyacinth, which have a very fibrous floating root system, to provide a safe place for his fish to lay their eggs and for the young fish to hide. 

27 - A fellow who frequently stews...


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

Originally posted on Notes on a Serviette as post CDXCVIII.

A fellow who frequently stews
Over which colour condom to use.
He can’t make a selection
To adorn his erection
So his wife fills the time with a snooze.


26 - A woman would frequently make scenes...


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

Originally posted on Notes on a Serviette as post DIII.

A woman would often make scenes,
Promenading without any jeans.
But when she went too far,
Shedding panties and bra,
The Governor called the marines.



25 - A fellow would frequently hum...


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.

Originally posted on Notes on a Serviette as post DVI.


The "Te Deum" I was thinking of was Charpentier's.

A fellow would frequently hum
A few bars of the “Te Deum”
To settle his nerves
As he fondled the curves
Of his (or another's!) wife’s bum.


24 - DIX - Off The Table


Mad Kane has a regular limerick challenge.
She provides the first line,
the rest is up to us.


Off the Table
"Off the table Mable,
the money's for the beer..."

A fellow, who took many trips
To clubs where a young lady strips,
Got the fright of his life
Recognising his wife
Both dancing and pulling large tips.



23 - Sequel to DIX - Off The Table


After reading DIX – Off the Table, Rob Bear wondered
what would happen when the couple went home.

Here is the answer:

A man found his wife on the make
And was thrilled with the cash she’d take
But his happiness fled
When she complained in bed
Of having a splitting headache.


22 - Penetent Limerick


Three Word Wednesday requires participants
to use the three words of the week in a composition.
The words this week were believe, penitent, tribute.

Now I confess I have only used one.
This limerick evolved while pondering the three words
And I saw no reason to discard it.

Simultaneously Red Dirt Girl had posted
about women doing housework naked.
The two things sort of fitted together, with the following result:


While professing to be penitent,
The remorse was after the event.
When he saw his wife nude
He said “I hate to intrude”
But, quick as a flash, in it went.



21 - Cupcake



A girl who was waxed down below
Made a cup-cake, just for her beau.
“It hardly cost nuffin’
To put sprinkles on my muffin
And there’s a cherry, but that doesn’t show.”


20 - Russian Diversions




A lady who bulged from her dress,
Displaying the bulk of her breasts,
Found the minds of her viewers
Were fixed on these ewers
And missed the thoughts she expressed.

19 - Ah, Bum Hug!



A lady was employed to inspect
Bare bottoms, for signs of defect.
She assessed the gluteus
For its level of cuteus
And any that weren’t, she’d reject.


18 - The Watcher



The Watcher


A fellow whose weekend was spent
In part, doing things decadent
Was asked later on
How the weekend had gone,
Said it was pleasing, to an extent.




17 - 3WW - Clench-Prod-Faint




Three Word Wednesday gives three words
that we must incorporate in a written work.  
This week, the words are clench, prod and faint.


A bum, well clenched for the thrust, is
A joy and reflects that pure lust is
An act, that once started,
Is not for the faint hearted
And 'prod' doesn't quite do it justice.
.


16 - Lady in Boots



Photo from RDG site

A lady, all legs and black booted,
Oozed sexiness, undiluted,
She never wanted to get
Any special respect
But the men all readily saluted.

Alternate ending:

And all genders equally suited.






15 - About Time



Had to get this one off my books:

A lady, clinically displayed,
Is as sexy as flat lemonade.
Sensuality resides
With the person inside
And not how the parts are displayed.

◊◊◊

For RDG: lemonade in Australia is like Sprite, a soda,
not the drink sold by small children at street stalls.


14 - Cheeky

.

Photo lifted from RDG's blog.
Limerick prompt from Mad Kane's site.

A lady was trying her hand
Caressing a bottom, well tanned,
She had been told that the cheek
Was exceedingly sleek
And experience confirmed it was grand.

13 - Bound to Please



Red Dirt Girl provided the above visual prompt (I've trimmed it a little).

A lady who liked to be bound
Talked of the pleasure, profound:
“Ironically, the goal
Of this lack of control
Is release, in ways that astound.”

.





12 - The Plate of the Discerning Diner

.

The first line comes from Mad Kane's limerick challenge.
Will post it to NOAS later in the week.

A fellow was planning a spread
To be eaten off a lady in bed.
Then, after the cuisine,
He’d lick the plate clean
And did a fine job, it is said.
.

11 - An Element of Banter

.

Three Word Wednesday requires us to use three nominated words in a work. 
This week the words were 'banter', 'duty' and 'element'.

Using an element of banter,
To woo and win and enchant her,
He followed her around
‘Til she felt duty bound
To let him undress and implant her.

◊◊◊

Variant:

Using an element of banter,
To woo and win and enchant her,
He followed her around
But she wasn’t duty bound
To let him proceed and de-pant her.
.


10 - The X-Ring

.

A man with a stainless steel ring
Was privately thrilled by it’s swing
But was caught out one day
By a surprise X-ray
That exposed the size of the thing.
.

9 - With a flower on her ankle...


Having seen the second of three tattoos and still with the
threat (?) of a smacking, the following exchange took place.
The tit comment alludes to a nipple ring.

A woman with a flower on her ankle
Believed that the threat of a spank’ll
Discourage the viewer,
From base thinking impure,
But the result was dribble, by the tankfull.

A woman showed a flower on her ankle,
An honour and not one to rankle.
And it was a nice tat,
I have to say that,
But doesn’t excite as much as a spank’ll.

A fellow, expecting to be smacked,
Was challenged to show tit for a tat!
The decision was tough
But he called her bluff
And escaped with his honour intact.

.
◊◊
.
A return shot:

A man kept his secret well hidden
But with every step he was bidden
As it swung to and fro
To remember the glow
Of the pleasure and pain it was givin'..
.




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